Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Why Frodo's Journey to Destroy the Ring of Power Wouldn't Work Today

I'm pretty sure that most of you are aware of the Lord of the Rings trilogy. If you haven't seen the movies, you've at some point heard the story of it... probably. Maybe not. I'm going to assume, for the sake of this post, that you have.

I'm pretty sure that Frodo and the Fellowship of the Ring would've failed miserably if they had to take their journey today. You know why? Four Square... Twitter... Facebook.

The Fellowship would've looked something like this on Facebook.
Frodo's FB Status Update would read: got a ring from my uncle. It doesn't heat up. Gonna take it to Mt Doom to destroy. Maybe I'll take it to a pawn shop instead LOL!

The comment thread would look something like this
Samwise, Merry, Pippin and four other friends Like this

Samwise: Mr Frodo, I'll totally go with you after I get done planting some pipeweed.
Merry: and by "planting some pipeweed" he means "masturbating to Rosie"
Samwise: Shut up, Merry!
Pippin: Yo, F, let's all go. I know a dope bar called the Prancing Pony we can go to and get pints!
Frodo: @Merry LOL @Sam-meet me at my house when you're done (wash your hands
first;-P) @Pippin- forealz? Is there a cover?
Smeagol: That sounds like fun, Precious
Frodo: Precious? Who the f*** are you? Who the hell is Smeagol?
Smeagol: No, Precious, We were friends with your uncle Bilbo, Precious. I'm an old family friend.

-Frodo has blocked Smeagol-

Smeagols FB Status Update: We've found the precious!
Comment thread:
WitchKing Agnar: I'll ready the Nazgul
Sauran: I'll send my army of Uruk-Hai. Where did you say they'd be?
Smeagol: Precious didn't say they would be at the Prancing Pony
Smeagol: Sh!t...

Later that night...

Frodo Update: Frodo has checked in to the Prancing Pony w/ @ Samwise, @Merry, @Pippin and 23 others

Next Day: On Twitter Feed for @MiddleEarthNewsShire: 4 local Hobbits found dead, hacked to death by ring wraiths. Authorities say they were tracked online and slain in their sleep.

End of story...

Moral of this story? Four Square is a stalker GPS. So next time you decide to tell everyone you're jogging, alone, at some remote lake...

Signs In Nature That A Buzz Word No Longer Has Any Meaning

We've been told to go Green, eat Organic, Raw, Locally grown produce and use Sustainable products. All of these had a value of some sort at what time. They had their own respective integrity as they applied to something real. Until...
A house is built under the guise of being "green" and it has a massive "green" lawn. A green lawn that requires a lot of water. Water that is supposed to be conserved because the reservoirs are low. A high rise ion downtown is boasting that it is environmentally friendly and "green" and has a massive water feature/fountain... I'm scratching my head. It's like the Hummer with the "Go Green" bumper sticker. Then the word "organic" is taken from its purpose of describing a way a food is grown naturally, free of chemicals, steroids etc. and applied to a way a person paints someones interior walls or gives a dissertation. It's the super lifted, independent contractor 4 x 4 diesel truck that boasts "sustainable energy" on it's non bio degradable door magnet (not to mention the massive tires that eat up three times as much fuel)

Here's my point. I'm not against people having grass in their yard, or lifted trucks that guzzle gas, or fountains in their high rise community or anything like that. My issue is with the raping of a word because it's popular. Taking a word that has a meaning and bastardizing it to stuff their wallets, knowing full well it's bullshit that they're selling, is something that is just wrong.

Okay, I'm done stumping. Can we agree that the term "Handcrafted" should be reserved for something you actually craft/build by hand. Like a wooden rocking chair or a knit scarf. Thank you Starbuck's for sending the word "handcrafted" the way of the Dodo.