Dark Stuff

I had four friends commit suicide last year. I think about them daily. It never sits well. Why? Is always the question that comes to my mind.

Shit gets tough in life. That'll never change. But the amount of commitment it takes to take your own life... seems to me that all of that energy could be put to good use.

When the days get short, in the Winter time. I get depressed. I think it's called SADS. That's when I write most of my songs. I take that depressed energy and try to make a positive out of it. Sometimes it's because I didn't eat much that day and my chemical imbalance kicks in. None of this should come as a surprise. I'm an artist.

I try to be positive about stuff but that's not always the case. I have a lot of rage that builds up sometimes. I see stuff going on around me that I have no control over and it gets me furious. But I don't like the idea of getting upset over things I can't control.

I think the worst is people who aren't genuine. People who are your friend if you can do something for them. When you can't do anything for them, they forget you. Or people who don't understand reciprocity or who just flat out miss the point on what it means to be a friend.

Ultimately, in life, we're lucky if we can count our real friends on one hand.

Why did they take their lives? Why did that guy lay his head on the train tracks in Oceanside on Sunday. Why is there a massive double standard in the world that pertains to anything you want it to?

Why do I internalize stuff that depresses me...