Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Rescued From the Pole

I was watching a show the other day, I think "March of the Penguins" or something like that. In the extra features, they show the scientists and filmographers on the South Pole making the movie. What if they got stuck? Who would rescue them from the Pole?

Yesterday, we were at the store. A fairly attractive and well built woman was right next to us looking at the same thing we were. She appeared to be somewhat refined in her dress and how she walked, but when she spoke, something became very apparent to me. This woman was saved from the Pole. Not the South Pole. Not the North Pole. The Stripper Pole.

A voice that had weathered one too many late nights, bong hits and whiskey shots is what we were greeted with. It made me think that maybe there was a commercial out there. A commercial that is similar to the "Feed the Children" P.S.A.'s but instead it parades a bunch of strippers in front of the camera that are looking to leave that life all together. Catered toward men with above average wealth, the application process would be similar to what you would go through to adopt a puppy.

The applicant would need to display an ability to support said arm candy and have at least two memberships to country clubs and no ties to Strip Clubs. Also, the ability to dress her out with the latest from the J Crew catalog and a new Land Rover which she'll need on her many trips to various stores for food stuffs and dinner parties.

In return, the rescued woman would act as a dutiful partner/eventual spouse and agree to limit her cheetah print wardrobe, eliminate gum chewing and learn how to use a credit card instead of a fat roll of 1's, 5's, 10's and 20's. She would also need to agree to NOT sit on the laps of her rescuers friends, business associates or older children from a previously failed marriage. Her phone book will also be wiped clean of all known drug dealers, club promoters and "talent agents". And she would not be able to refer to her rescuer as "client" "regular" or "hon".

"Rescued from the Pole"... the new cougar?

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