Wednesday, April 28, 2010

the Day After part two

So I've just woken up in a strange place and don't recognize myself. It's May 27, 2001. What I'm about to discover is not something anyone ever wants to find out.

I'm the problem.

How did this happen? I thought I was the funny one. The witty one. The charming one. You mean to tell me that people weren't laughing with me, they were laughing at me? You mean to tell me that I was the a**hole? You mean to tell me that I was the bad guy?

Continued failed relationships, numerous jobs that couldn't be held, strained family and friend relationships. A trail of left behind belongings strewn about the country. Parted with a coyote will chew its leg off when caught in a trap. How did life come to this.

28 years old, overweight, no job, no home to call my own and I don't know where I stand with some of the most important people in my family. Where to begin the road to recovery? My brother suggested seeking AA. That was, at the time and in mi=y mind, beneath me. I was still in denial. How funny, I just realize I have a problem and instead of going to where there would be a community of supportive people, I shun the idea. So I've realized there is a problem but I'm not smart enough to fix it.

The one photo on my sisters fridge of me was me holding a beer, eyes red. That's what my niece would see. Not her Uncle but her Druncle. A 6'5" 240 pound mass of uncontrollable drinking and smoking that knew no moderation. The complete opposite of what I had become in the US Army. This realization of degradation was embarrassing. There was a long road ahead of me to right the wrongs and set a course to something worthwhile.

A Takamine G-230 sat within arms length. A gift a month before from my sister. 6 strings. Could they be as effective as 12 steps?

to be continued...

No comments:

Post a Comment