2am, phone buzzes, it's a text from sis in law in the other room. Contractions are three-five minutes apart. Time to get mobilized...
Back up four hours. I'm with friends-comedians (www.malhall.com, www.christianspicer.com, RJ Dharni[no dot com yet])and musicians-the crew from the monday night open mic. We're sitting around telling stories, sharing ideas, discussing the intricacies of each others sets. What works, what doesn't and where to improve. That and who can make fun of the other better. Typical stuff on a Monday night. I get home around 10:30, get to sleep around 12:30. When I heard the buzz of the phone I thought it was in the neighborhood of 6am. Was I wrong. 1:57am was the time stamp on my phone for the text. Oh well. My wife and sis in law drive off to the hospital and I stayed back as I am the stay at home rock star. There were diapers to change, lunches to make, breakfast to prepare, a dog to walk and a drop off at school to be done. All by 8am. Who has two thumbs and is a zombie? This guy!
As an optimist, I wanna turn it into something productive. What delirious thought could I have that could be entertaining? Well, we go to the zoo as the little one has a playdate with her Grandma. We start by heading off to the Orangutans. We're there for about two minutes when one Orangutan starts giving another Orangutan, a rectal exam. With his hand. And this guy must've been near sighted because he got right up there, nose to nose with it (so to speak).
Did I make this happen out of sheer will power? Was my need for something entertaining to congeal out of insomnia so strong that it manipulated these orange, hairy dudes? I'm gonna say yes. Prove me wrong is my challenge to you. I think that, through lack of sleep, I've developed ESPN or whatever it's called. I can control creatures with my mind. Just now I commanded my dog to continue sleeping. He obeyed. See!?! Skillz! Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz